This page was last updated on: October 10, 2001
Welcome to my home page!!! |
Hey thanks for visiting. I got some really great photos here as well as some other cool stuff. Don't forget to leave a note in the guest book, would be much appreciated. I spent time putting this together cos I had all these photos from my digital camera after my time in Europe and USA. This page has a bit of stuff on it, then there's the cricket page which some of you would have no interest in whatsoever, and a page on my travels which is the best. Have fun kids!!! |
(Ryan the Lion) |
Homer Simpson Can life get any better for Homer J. Simpson? He juggles the roles of husband, father, safety inspector at the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant, bowler, beer drinker, astronaut, small business owner and dreamer, and makes it all look easy. But it wasn't always so easy for Homer J. Raised by his father, Abe, who tried to compensate for the absence of Homer's radical hippie mother, Homer graduated at the bottom of his high school class and managed to earn the distinction of being the longest-term entry-level employee at the plant. Together with his high school sweetheart, Marge Bouvier, Homer settled down in Evergreen Terrace, the nicest upper-lower-middle class section of Springfield, to raise his three precious children. Homer is fond of Duff Beer, donuts, Marge's pork chops and watching the Bee Guy on the Spanish channel. His dislikes include his boss, Mr. Burns, yard work and his neighbor, Ned Flanders. |
Click on Homer for The Simpsons website |
Play games on the South Park Website |
The coolest car ever. 1987 Nissan Exa with targa top. I took this photo the night before I sold it, I had it for just over 3 years. |
And this is where I live, Perth. Its a very laid back city, people are friendly and easy going. The weather is just excellent, summer is always warm sometimes hot with many blue skies. Winter can be cold (not compared to London) but you still get warm sunny days. |
My Comic Hero ..... Homer |
Favorite Jokes |
Lovemaking Skills for Men Please take the following Manliness Assessment: 1) In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as: a) lovemaking b) screwing c) the pigskin bus pulling into tuna town 2) You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared: a) your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship b) your blood-test results c) five tequila slammers 3) You time your orgasm so that: a) your partner climaxes first b) you both climax simultaneously c) you don't miss SportsCenter 4) Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is: a) healthy, creative love-play b) not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would ever agree to c) not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend need ever find out about 5) Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is: a) the best part of the experience b) the second best part of the experience c) $100 extra 6) Your girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her that it is: a) No concern of yours b) not a problem, she can join your gym c) a conservative estimate 7) You think today's sensitive, caring man is: a) a myth b) an oxymoron c) a moron 8) Foreplay is to sex as: a) appetizer is to entree b) primer is to paint c) a line is to an amusement park ride 9) Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship? a) "I hope we can still be friends." b) "I'm not in right now, please leave a message at the beep." c) "Welcome to Dumpsville; population, YOU." 10) A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate: a) probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy b) is uptight and a waste of time c) shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place Evaluating the results: If you answered "a" more than 7 times, check your pants to make sure you really are a man. If you answered "b" more than 7 times, check into therapy, you're a little confused. If you answered "c" more than 7 times, "You DA MAN!" |
Man & Woman Smart man + smart woman = romance Smart man + dumb woman = pregnancy Dumb man + smart woman = affair Dumb man + dumb woman = marriage Smart boss + smart employee = profit Smart boss + dumb employee = production Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. A successful man is one who makes more money that his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot & not try to understand her at all. Married men lived longer than single man, but married men are a lot more willing to die. Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing. Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage and after marriage. |
Top ten things that sound dirty in golf but aren't: 10. Nuts...my shaft is bent 9. After 18 holes I can barely walk 8. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker 7. Look at the size of his putter 6. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more 5. Mind if I join your threesome? 4. Stand with your back turned and drop it 3. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip 2. Nice stroke, but your follow through has a lot to be desired And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty in golf but isn't: 1. Hold up...I need to wash my balls first |
Top Ten Things That Sound Dirty In Law But Aren't: 10. Have you looked through her briefs? 9. He is one hard judge. 8. Counselor, let's do it in chambers. 7. Her attorney withdrew at the last minute. 6. Is it a penal offense? 5. Better leave the handcuffs on. 4. For $200 an hour, she better be good. 3. Can you get him to drop his suit? 2. The judge gave her the stiffest one he could. And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty in law but isn't: 1. Think you can get me off? Top Ten Things That Sound Dirty At The Office But Aren't: 10. I need to whip it out by 5. 9. Mind if I use your laptop? 8. Just stick it in my box. 7. If I have to lick one more, I'll gag. 6. I want it on my desk, NOW!!! 5. HMMMMMMMM....I think it's out of fluid. 4. My equipment is so old, it takes forever to finish. 3. It's an entry-level position. 2. When do you think you'll be getting off today? And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty in the office but isn't: 1. It's not fair...I do all the work while he just sits there. |
Two nuns, Sister Cheryl and Sister Nancy, are traveling through Europe in their car. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a diminutive Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses through the windshield. "Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Cheryl. "What shall we do?" "Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination," says Sister Nancy. Sister Cheryl switches them on, knocking Dracula about, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns. "What shall I do now?" she shouts. "Switch on the windshield washer. I filled it up with Holy Water in the Vatican," says Sister Nancy. Sister Cheryl turns on the windshield washer. Dracula screams as the water burns his skin, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns. "Now what?" shouts Sister Cheryl. "Show him your cross," says Sister Nancy. "Now you're talking," says Sister Cheryl as she opens the window and shouts, "Get the f**k off our car!" |
Three roads walk into a bar -- a highway, a main road and a country road. They're all enjoying a drink when suddenly the door bursts open and a long, thin road is standing in the doorway. The motorway shouts "oh, shit!" and dives under the table. The highway scrambles for shelter, too. The country road says "What's up? You're not scared of him, are you?" To which the motorway replies "Yeah, mate. You should stay well clear of him -- he's a cycle path....." |